The body:
"He looked at me with his blue orbs" Lets take this apart slowly, just for fun. The first offender we extract from this sentence is orbs. No, boys and girls, we do not need another word for eyes. We do not use another word for mouth, or lips, or nose, or hands, or feet. The only thing looking at you with orbs is either non-organic, or a crystal gazer (who is probably only looking at you with one orb) So now we have: "He looked at me with his blue eyes." ...because his green eyes were at the cleaners? So we take away that unnecessary word and are left with: "He looked at me with his eyes." What else is he going to look at you with?? "He looked at me." Not very interesting, but at least it makes sense. To make it interesting, don't add a bunch of nonsense. Describe how he looked - was it a stare? a glare? Was his expression angry? passionate? yearning? confused? Adding a useless phrase like "with blue orbs" tells the reader about the writer, not the character. And what it says isn't favourable.
1 Comment
Patricia M. Bryce
6/8/2015 12:52:50 am
Oh thank you... I so needed this. Made my day!!!
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